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don't kiss me

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 2:18 pm
by nikita

Since because for no particular reason this part of the Eclectic English forum seems to be the most deserted, I assume that all guys who come sometimes to the website have quite good command of English.

Then I think I could start posting quite simple English jokes here. Everybody welcome to contribute.

Here is the very first contribution.

Oh, Sir! Please don't kiss me!
Oh, Sir! Please don't kiss!
Oh, Sir! Please don't!
Oh, Sir! Please do!
Oh, Sir! Please!
Oh, Sir!

See you soon here! Take care!

Nikita Kovalyov


Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 2:29 pm
by Sergey Vakshul

I love you.

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 9:49 pm
by nikita
Hello Sergey!

I am glad you liked it. Here is another little joke for such a "starter" as you. :)

- I love you.
- I love you too.
- I love you three.

A little hint if case someone doesn't get it: two & too are pronounced the same in English.

Best regards,

Nikita Kovalyov


deer joke

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 8:45 pm
by nikita

Yet another joke for you!

A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
B: No idea.

Scroll down to see the hint. :)

Nikita Kovalyov


Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 6:00 pm
by nikita
Hello there!

How about a little joke on Present Perfect Tense?


It was my husband's birthday yesterday and he said,
Take me somewhere I've never been before.
> So where did you take him?
Into the kitchen.


Have a nice day!

Nikita Kovalyov


Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 3:38 pm
by HyphenSpider
:D Funny jokes :D

Re: funny jokes

Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 5:32 pm
by nikita

I am glad you liked them.

Here is one more more you.

A motorist ran over an old's lady cat and killed it.
- I am very sorry, said the motorist. I'll replace your cat, of course.
- Very well, said the lady. But I hope you're good at catching mice.



Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 2:41 pm
by Guest
very good

Urban Legend

Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:55 pm
by nikita

I am glad you liked it. Here is a hard-luck story for you that was sent to me to one of my friends. I did a little search, and it seems to be pretty well-known. However, they say it is just another urban legend. Enjoy!

Megan Fry, 44 years old, is killed by 14 state troopers after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town, simulation. Seeing all the troopers walking slowly down the street Megan Fry had jumped out in front of them and yelled Boo! The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting the target. She just looked like a very real looking target, one of the troopers stated in his report.

It seems that the troopers did not get Megan’s joke at all. :)


Another joke

Posted: Sat Jul 01, 2006 4:32 am
by luizfreitas
An old woman asked her daughter.

Daughter, what´s the name of that old german man who always drives me crazy?

Alzheimer, gradma. Alzheimer.

Posted: Sat Jul 01, 2006 1:46 pm
by saudi
Nice jokes guys! :lol:
Go Ahead...

Four animals for a woman

Posted: Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:39 pm
by nikita
Hello, there

I am glad you liked them. Here is a new one.

What four animals does a woman need in her life?

- a mink on her back
- a jaguar in the garage
- a tiger in her bed
- and a jackass to pay for it all !!!

Have a nice day! :)


God's retort

Posted: Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:43 pm
by nikita

And yet one more joke.

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."